I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
