i would punch a child for taco bell
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
