Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
