He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
