first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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