Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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