Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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