there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
