White coat. Heels.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she looked like the before picture.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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