well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
