dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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