he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
