So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm bleeding and have questions
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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