dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
