Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
