Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
