on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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