he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
