I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
