i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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