Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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