Me. At least after what I've been through.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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