Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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