There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
