Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
