Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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