things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
