When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you win again, gameday.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
