Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
