Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
