Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
