too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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