His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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