she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...