It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.