Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.