I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
