the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I could fuck to npr.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
