I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
