is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
