If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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