I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
