if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
