I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize