I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
