that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
