So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
