We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
