sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize