Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
