I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I love you. Go after that dick
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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