I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
