Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
