you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
