you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
