So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
