I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
