yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
