Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I could fuck to npr.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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