A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
