I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
