Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
