This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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