it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
