so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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