So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
