I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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