Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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