I hate your face
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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