we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
