i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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