Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
